Been dealing with interesting stuff in my life, lately. This is my last year teaching in this shit hole of a town. I feel like I've had writer's block the entire 4 years I've been here. I've come to the conclusion that you can't be creative and surround yourself with uncreative. Places
and people. I've had a few months of self discovery, once I decided that enough was enough, and I'm excited about the possibilities. I've been writing a great deal the last few weeks, tweaking old shit, writing new shit. I dunno why I have no problem writing the words, but when it comes to extracting them from my mouth, I damn near have a panic attack. I have a hard time expressing myself in person, or when I need to. I have an off switch and I'm real quick to flip it when I feel like I'm about to be cornered or if someone is about to be emotionally needy. I can't handle that shit. I barely handle it with my adorable midget.
I'm still trying to figure out where our home is going to be, or even, if I know where it is, (Seattle?) am I ready to be home yet? This world is teeming with endless possibilities, and there are so many people to see, places to go, and stories to write. I have such a crush on that rainy town; will my crush falter once I'm there everyday? Is it like relationships? You have to learn to make it work? Do I really want to ruin the magic?
I have an interview for a teaching position in Uganda today. I told myself I would say no to any positions in Africa, but the more I dwell on it, the more exciting it seems. You can do anything for a year, right?
Lauren, my dear, we are way too much alike, but oh so different in just the right ways. I too can write easier what I stumble to say. I often wonder if it'd really be that bad to lose my tongue in a freak accident. My communication and relationships would certainly benefit. On second thought, they'd be flawless. AND typo free! :grabs scissors:
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you've been cured. Like I said, heartache is the pen of writer's block. I don't want to see you in pain, but I really do enjoy your beautiful words. I, too, have realized over the years that you really should only surround yourself with people that bring you up. Us like-minded/talented folk need to stick together. We could basically take over the world, really.
I am excited to watch your next adventure play out, but I think I’ve been too excited and secretly wanting to live vicariously through you to even realize that means you'll be gone. Holy Lord. I may opt for the waterproof mascara next time I randomly decide to read your blog.
I know that, among other things, you living on another planet has pulled us apart, but it's always like no time has passed at all when we do make time for each other. And, might I add, I almost forgot how much fun we have and how deeply our souls connect. I’m about to call you (repeatedly until you answer) just to hear you breathe. Anyway, all jokes aside, I'm not trying to corner you or be needy, but I just had to get that out. In writing. So there's proof. So that one day when you're "investigating" on the 'Net, you'll stumble across it and remember how awesome we are. Okay. Carry on.
Also, you CAN indeed do ANYTHING for a year. Except die. That only lasts until the rigor mortis sets in. Please, for the love of famine and machete wars, consider somewhere a little less adventurous. Please?! On the bright side (and you know I’m always posing those for you), I guess you could get some machete training to ward off those ninjas.
PS
ReplyDeleteAwesome analogy, by the way, about Seattle. However, since ALL relationships are just SO TERRIBLE, especially long-distance ones, I HIGHLY recommend you just cut all ties and move on. Do you and Seattle REALLY have that much in common?! Think about it. With sarcastic thoughts. Like the sarcastic font I've written this entire little blurb in. Peace in the middle east.